Hi, everyone. We're glad you're here. This is the Three Lesbians and a Pen podcast. Get ready to have your world rocked. As we dive into the wild and sometimes wacky world of self-publishing. We are three fabulous bestselling authors. I'm your host, Kimberly Todd with my best friends.

K. C. Luck

and Jamey Moody. 

Join us as we discuss the joys of writing, challenges of self-publishing, and anything else that tickles our fancy. 

Hey there, and welcome to Episode 37 of the Three Lesbians and a Pen podcast. I'm Kimberly Todd, and I'm here with my fabulous friends, KC Luck and Jamey Moody. Today we're talking about dropping the measuring stick, or not comparing yourself to others. But before we start, KC, how was your week?

I had a good week. Don't know if anybody knows this, but I am a huge garage sale, rummage sale, flea market fan. I love to find old copies of books, but you know, sometimes you need trinkets and stuff like that too. So, I went to a bunch of garage sales and it was fantastic. We drove like 45 minutes to this book sale up in another town. So, I'm really into it. But it was a lot of fun. 

But the other good news is that my book is with the editor.

Ooh!

Yay.

It's gonna come out end of June, and it's with the editor, so I get to chill out a little bit.

Congrats. That's great. That's great. Well, I'm getting closer to release. We talked about book launches this last week, and so I'm counting down. It's not long now till May 29th. The big day. Let's see, this week. So, this is real life folks. I mow my own yard. And my fucking lawnmower broke. So, a guy I work with, is like, I can fix that for you. I'm like, okay. So, I ordered parts, put it back together, and it still did not work. So, I went and bought a new lawnmower and I decided to go with a, environmentally clean one. In other words, it's electric, with a battery. 

Those are nice.

Yeah. And let me tell you, it's self-propelled because that's just how I roll. And, I love it because it's got a turtle, you know, if you wanna go slow or a rabbit, you know, a hair, if you wanna go fast, and let me tell you, you put it on that hair and I am running to catch up with it.

I can't imagine the neighbors.

I know. So, it's pretty fun. Well, that's the cool part is it's quiet. I listen to music, when I mow and I don't have to blow my ears out. I'm not gonna go deaf, so...

Nice.

Yeah, you don't have to turn it up so loud. Anyway, it was pretty fun. It's interesting to learn the new parts of it. I could tell you my woe on how I bought it and got it home and put together and charged the battery and the first battery wasn't any good, so I had to box up the entire lawnmower to take it back. They wouldn't just gimme a battery.

Blah.

Yes, I was pissed, but I understood their policy. So, I brought the other one back home, but now I knew how to put it together. So, I did that just like that. And the battery charge, well actually I told him, I said, I will buy this other one if you will let me unbox it right now, and see if the battery works. And they did let me do that. So.

There you go.

It was an ordeal. But yeah. So, I'm chasing behind a lawnmower now. Picture it people, Jamey Moody, thinking of new stories to write as she's chasing her lawnmower across the yard.

Okay, Kimberly, your turn. Top that.

I think mine's a little more boring. Sorry, people. But I'm excited to say that I finally started writing my book again. ' cause last week was a no writing, like I said, week. And so, I got 1200 words out today and that's better than what I've been doing. So…

Yay. 

Yay team.

So, this week we are talking about dropping the measuring stick and not comparing yourself to others. KC, do you wanna start us off?

Sure. I'm gonna start us off with a quote that I like. President Teddy Roosevelt said it, and it is, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” And that could not be more true in my world. If I get myself caught up with comparing myself to other authors in our niche, especially, I can totally take all the fun out of writing. So yeah, that's what we're gonna talk about today. But don't get caught up in comparing yourself to others if you can. It's hard, but you can try. 

I know, I just think it is so hard to do. You can tell yourself that over and over, but it's just so hard to do. So, what do we do? Positive self-talk. When that happens to me, I stop and look at my accomplishments. I look over at the other books that I've published and see them there, and I try to say, calm down, Jamey. People read your books. You can see them there. They read your books. And I try to think of other things that don't give me the anxiety of comparing yourself to others. I know that's easy just to say, but. You've gotta, do it. You've gotta give yourself, some grace. My niece loves to say that, give yourself grace and look at what you've done because you've done something. You've published a book.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. 

Mm-hmm. 

Even if it's just one. 

Yes. 

A lot of new authors, when you're starting off, your book goes out there and you're waiting to see the star ratings or the reviews to come in and sure you might get a couple at first, but it takes a while for them to start populating. And you can't use the review or star system as a guide for whether you suck or not. You're not sucking, you're a new author. You have to be patient and you have wait until you have a mailing list so that you can grow it, and then be able to blast people so that those reviews come in faster. But at first, the reviews are, slower coming in. But that doesn't mean that your book isn't good. You just have to keep that in your mind while you're refreshing your book page. 

You might also start comparing yourself to other authors if their book has more, ratings and things like that. But you have to keep in mind that they might have a different, audience. You could have possibly written a contemporary romance. They might have written, a romantic suspense and just have a different group of people that like their books. So, it doesn't mean that your book, isn't a good book and that you didn't do a good job. 

And then one other thing is, let's say you're looking at the, IHS new book release and you're like, oh my gosh, look at all these people, their books are getting so many reviews and going up to number one. Don't compare yourself to that because they've had a buyer support system and built their readers over time, and that's just something that will take time for you to do.

Right. And, you were talking about genres and things like that, I find it very interesting that I am a romance writer. That is my lane. That's what I choose and that's what I want. But my books rank better in the lesbian fiction category than they do in Lesbian romance. Which I think is kind of funny. You know, they're both up there but I'm always higher in lesbian fiction than I am in lesbian romance. I don't know if that happens to y'all but anyway, I just think it's kind of interesting.

And one thing I'd like to add about those genres and things is contemporary romance is going to sell more than a vampire romance it. Yeah. Or even a mystery or things like that. All the different niches. Some are more popular than others, and some are gonna be better sellers than others. That doesn't mean you need to shift into contemporary romance or anything like that. I didn't choose that because it sells better. I chose it because that's what I like to write. And then you've got authors like our friend KC, who likes to dabble in all the genres. For example, she just did that mystery, which is awesome. But I don't know that I could write a mystery, you know? And I dunno that I could write a vampire book like our Kimberly.

Yeah, I will tell you though, that was difficult. I will tell you, my last few books were contemporary romance and they ranked very high on Amazon, and then I wrote the mystery, which just does not historically do as well as contemporary romance, which is the, the king or queen, I guess, in our niche. So that was hard. It was actually harder than… 

It was actually hard.

I know that, I know that hurt you.

It did. I don’t know why.

But you have to realize. That’s right. You have to realize that's right. That the contemporary romance is gonna sell better. And, well, you know what? I think in writing in general people tell you all over romance is the big seller. It just is. 

Yeah. And even if you look at the K-Lytics reports, romance is the number one seller, not just in obviously lesbian fiction, but overall is the number one top generating, genre. 

Mm-hmm. Right. 

Yeah. And to tag on with what Kimberly was saying, is that you have to remember there's no such thing as overnight success. I mean, it might look like it, you may never have heard of that author before and suddenly they're the top of the list and you're like, holy crap, I'm not as good as them. Well, then you gotta go back and look. For one example, Erika Lee wrote a number of books before her big breakout book. And people would always come back and say, I love your first book. And she's like, that's not my first book. So... 

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I've been doing this a while. 

Just, exactly. She'd been doing it for a while and finally had breakout book and so you gotta keep that in mind. We're all putting in a lot of work and it's not always as easy as it seems. Right? 

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, going back to what we were talking about, don't compare yourself. You gotta do apples to apples and not apples to oranges, because otherwise you're just really gonna get frustrated.

Yeah. Temper your expectations.

And bottom line, you know write what you like. You know I'm saying? KC writes what she likes. I do vampire and mafia and whatever, and Jamey does romance. You just do what you like.

Mm-hmm. It's all about being happy with what you're writing. So, let's talk a little bit about social media. Social media can really be a killer when you are looking to see how other people are doing compared to you. And you have to remember that on social media, Facebook, for example, people are always putting out their very best version of themself. So, they're gonna take the very best reviews and post about those. They're gonna take the very best whatever and make it sound like, oh, I have the very best sales. These things can get overblown.

I'm not saying people are lying, but they're always gonna highlight the best parts of their career and not some of the harder stuff. And there's even some people, I dunno about you two, but there are some people that I do not follow-on social media because I find that they are just too over the top either too negative or they are too full of shit.

Be honest. Yeah, I mean that's one of the reasons you guys hear me say, I don't go on social media that much is 'cause I'm a happy person and I don't like to see all the doom and gloom. I do like to see what's happening and stay in the know with exciting things that are happening in lesfic or sapphic, but I am not into listening to a lot of negativity.

Mm-hmm.

Right. And that's why I say I don't think I'm very exciting because I don't post, you know, hey I'm off to the store and this is, you know, what's going on? Or, hey, I got another five-star review today. You know, I just don't... yeah. 

It's a fine line. I mean, if you get a five-star review... you know? 

Now, I do promos with good reviews on it because I want other readers to realize, hey, look what this person said. You know, maybe you ought to give this book a shot. I do that, but you know, not all the time.

I think what both of you are saying is just balance it out with good and then some marketing stuff about the book, but also positive things that you find interesting or whatever.

For sure.

Oh my gosh. Maybe I should have taken a picture of my new lawnmower and put that on social media this weekend.

Or your face when it didn't fucking work.

 O-M-G!

See, I miss opportunities all the time, people. It's okay. I think, in general, it all comes back to this. Remember why you're doing it. Remember why you're writing these books. I do it because I love it. I get joy from these characters. I get joy putting them in situations that they have to find a way outta or find a way past to get their happily ever after. It makes me feel good, especially when you do hear from a few readers that appreciate your books and you will hear from them. I try to remember why I'm doing it.

What Jamey's saying is true that I write for the love of writing. I write because I like to put characters in precarious situations. That's why some of mine are very adventurous. But I also will admit that as a full-time author, write, because it does make money. So, you know, there's nothing wrong with that either. You can be proud of the fact that you've made a little bit of money. It might not be more than enough to buy dinner, but you made a little money writing a book, so that is a big deal. 

Yeah. 

Mm-hmm. 

And just remember that you should be absolutely proud of yourself, that you produced a book, published it, and it's up on Amazon and you can see it there because so many people say they love writing, they've been thinking about being a writer their whole life, and they have so many half-made manuscripts or maybe just one and they never publish. So, the fact that you've finished a book, got it edited, have it published is just huge. So, remember that. Pat yourself on the back.

Definitely pat yourself on the back because it is a big deal to write a book. It's not easy. It's a very small percentage of people actually finish a book. So, you have done a lot.

One other thing we haven't mentioned is the word, "should." I read a lot of self-help books and one of the things that I have learned through the years is to stop the, “should” talk. You put the should in quotes, basically. People get trapped, even myself thinking, well, I should be doing more on Facebook, or I should be doing this many words a day, or I should be, and you know, get away from the should you set benchmarks and then stick to those and not beat yourself up if that day or that weekend, like Kimberly had a really fun weekend, but she didn't get a lot of writing done. She didn't beat herself up over it because of a should, I should have done this. So, keep that in mind. Give yourself some slack.

I agree. You have to, forge your own path. As far as social media goes, pick the ones that you wanna be on. And just because other people are on all of them, you don't have to be. And just because other people are posting about their books all the time, you don't have to do that. I mean, be intuitive, use what's good for you.

Yeah, and I agree with that, 'cause I was trying to go on every single social media and I have recently just changed to two that I enjoy and that's what I'm gonna continue to do. I'm sure it might take a little longer to get people to realize that's where they're gonna find me. But I am only gonna be doing two social medias for my brand because it's just too much for me, and then I enjoy it actually.

Well, also I'm the only one on here that has an ARC team. We've said that several times. You know what? ARC teams aren't for everybody. Just because I do it doesn't mean you've gotta do it. And that's the way with all aspects of writing.

Exactly. You don't have to do ads if you don't want to. You don't have to do any of that stuff. You do have to put your book out there somewhere and you wanna do that with some good-looking graphics. So, whether you do it through your newsletter, whether you do it, social media, however you do it, but you do wanna put it out there because there is something that's called, again, quote, “Hope Marketing,” where you just hope the book sells. And I can tell you for a fact, from my own experience, that does not fucking work. So.

It definitely does not. I've seen it too. Whoops.

Yeah, we've all done it. 

So next week we're gonna be talking about tropes. KC, do you have a question of the week? 

I have a couple questions actually. For those who write, what are your top three tropes you like to write? I have favorites. I really like grumpy sunshine. I seem to do that a lot. And also, as a reader, what are your top three tropes you like to read? And I put top three because I don't wanna just have everybody say age gap. Okay.

Yeah, exactly.

Good point.

Yeah. Good point.

That's it for this week. And I just wanted to remind everyone that we are taking a week off, so the podcast that would normally come out on May 28th. There won't be one that week, but thanks for listening.

Thanks for listening, everybody. I'll talk to you in a couple weeks. 

I just wanna remind you that I have a book coming out on May the 29th. More Than a Wish. Let's go have a little romance under the stars. Thanks for listening. Bye.

Thanks for listening. If you'd like to reach out to us, you can contact us by email at contact@threelesbiansandapen.com with the number three spelled out or on Instagram, Facebook and X at Three Lesbians and a Pen using the number three. And finally on our website, at threelesbiansandapen.com, we look forward to hearing from you, see you next week.